WEEK 1 – Quiet Time with myself
I have spent most of August “letting go” and trying not to worry why I can’t get meet an eligible guy from any of the dating websites (and yes, I added myself to another one that I will review a little later).
- I have stopped checking the websites every hour for “matches”
- I have ended chats with “half-eligible” options
- I said good bye to guys I had several dates with but didn’t feel a spark
- I celebrated a round birthday
- Bought new clothes
- I had some fun with friends. Doing that I discovered two (1 and 2) great restaurants in Oakland.
- Spent a weekend with this beautiful man. He even slept in bed with me and didn’t even touch me.
- I traveled for work, getting closer to my Platinum status at American Airlines.
- Continued to do the “inner work”, which brings me to the topic of this post.
I read every day. I listen to podcasts and summits on relationships on my lunch walks. The information revolves around basic concepts: Love yourself. Make a gratitude list. Heal from past hurt. Journal. Buy a sexy outfit. Smile (my friends say that to me). Manifest your soulmate by making a list of what you want. Make room in your house for him. The tips are endless. Where to start?
Well, I did a little of everything. But deep inside I feel there is more I have to do. I really appreciate all the wonderful coaches out there. I read their blogs and learn so much. But I am a big believer in “doing it yourself”. Maybe that comes from my communist upbringing or is simply my makeup as a person. I feel the best results are obtained when one goes through the journey from beginning to end. I make my own yogurt, brew my own kombucha and filed for my Green Card without a lawyer. I created my own diet and exercise plan. I am good at reading instructions and following them. So why not do the same with the one thing that is still missing?
This will be an experiment. While the relationship coaches will speak about concepts they applied successfully and now sell to us because they worked, I will try them out as I go. I will let my intuition guide me on this journey and hope you can join me. (Maybe I can make a living from this later too?!)
I decided that I will focus on ONE CONCEPT for ONE WEEK. Not every day is equal. Yesterday evening after I came home from the gym I had ants all over my kitchen. Needless to say, reading and meditating was out the window as I plopped exhausted into bed at 11pm after cleaning and spraying and cleaning and ….
One week at a time I want to take a conscious approach to inner work as I believe that the following are TRUE:
- Finding the right partner will happen – but only when we are in a good place with ourselves.
- If we cannot find the right partner easily, it is an indicator that we need to do some clean-up work.
- Thoughts become things – we have the power to manifest what we want. But to do so we need to have a clear understanding what we are looking for.
I am not yet sure how many weeks will be needed, but tentatively I know this:
For the month of September I will not worry so much about dating but FOCUS more on myself, on my inside, my thoughts and feelings
Week 1 – Quiet time with myself.
The goal here is to reflect. No reading, not listening to podcasts, or talking to friends. Just being quiet and digging inside for what is going on.
Here are 3 very important points:
- We were born pure and clean. Then came our parents, then friends, TV, partners, and suddenly we began to create an idea of who we are that was not based on the pure self we were born with but on what the outside said and we thought we should be.
- This created a veil, an illusion we have about ourselves (“I am fat”, “I am not capable of loving” etc) which has distorted our view of reality and has created an obstacle to live life to the fullest and be happy.
- We need to remove the obstacles by taking the veil of and finding our inner self again. This will require different amounts of effort depending on each individual person and I don’t think everyone can do this alone. Some of us may have had some very negative experiences that require professional help.
But taking some quiet time can be a good start for everyone, no matter what our issues are.
I realized I DO way to much, yet hardly ever I AM. I listen, I write, I read, but I can never just BE. Not enough time in my day.
So – Here is how I will JUST BE for the next week:
- Take 10 min in the morning and before bedtime
- Sit in a relaxed position without any background noise. Maybe lay down on my yoga mat.
- Light a candle
- Breathe normally and just let my thoughts go to the inside (not the outside – i.e. I have to be careful not to think about the weather, work, ants, etc)
- How do I feel about myself?
- What beliefs have I created in the past about me that affect me today?
- Are these beliefs true?
- Did I learn anything today or yesterday that has changed my thinking in any way?
- Spend 2 min writing some of these insights in my journal and review them before the next session.
OK! I am set. Are you in? I am excited to see what comes from this.